I last wrote about us in 2014, the year we got married. I somehow couldn't chronicle my annual emotions as we approached March. Aditi has been disciplined in posting an annual report card on our relationship. This year I break my silence.
She has written a beautiful piece which you can read here. Let me offer my critique of this masterpiece.
In saying "I am still a cleanliness freak", she meant she's a psycho. Another example of her psychopanthi is when she says, and I quote, "he wants the fan on while I want it switched off". I mean who wants fan off when inside room temperature is 33 degrees? When she says "He craves for desserts when I am craving for spicy chaat", this is bullshit. She's the one who orders Gubaab Janum from Box8 and Punjabi Rasoi (yes, she calls gulab jamun as gubab janum). She's the one who buys chocolates from Fresh n More. I have no cravings in life.
Jhoot ye aurat itna bolti hai. She says "He thoroughly enjoys the most extreme of action but I love comedy and romance." John Abraham ki movies kya main dekhne jata hoon? Nahi. Madam jati hai. Aur bataun jhoot iska. She writes, "When I am in full blown makeup and high heels, he wants to go out in Chappals". She knows I will go in chappal, yet she will become a billo rani. I still look cool, she definitely looks fake Kareena Kapoor. Jhoot yahan khatam nahi hua bhaiyon aur unki behno. Madam ne likkha - "I want to be least bothered of my career for the year when he is dedicatedly married to his at the same time." Madam ji has been getting all awards and recognitions in office from clients in the past 6 months. Laddoo hai kya that you get it when you are least bothered about your career. Itna jhoot, itna jhoot, main tang aa gaya hu ye sab sun sun ke.
My biggest grouse is, she doesn't even give me the credit which is due. She only mentions "Yet, he tidies the home every morning.". Kinnu ka juice maid nikalti hai kya? Kinnu ka juice main nikalta hu. Yesterday only she said oye hoye hoye after having kinnu juice that I juiced. As you can see, I never get credit.
The domestic violence I have to go through, I wish no one should go through. She naively says, "While the fan is on, I find a chance to snuggle up to him." Bhaisaab, itne thande thande haath hote hain iske jo ye mujhe chipka deti hai. This is barbaric. Chai ko ice cream bana sakti hai ye apne haathon mein le ke.
Referring to earlier allegation where she says I have a sweet tooth, she repeats the lie "We enjoy dessert and spicy chaat on the same day." My humble submission is, she eats both the dessert and chaat herself. I get nothing to enjoy. I am told to enjoy paying the bill. Have you met anyone who enjoyed paying the bill? Sabko dhokha de rahi hai apni kahani mein.
"Both of us love animated movies." This is the biggest lie ever invented. I love Iron Man movies, how are they animated movies? Haan I do love Minions, but they are real.
"We find time for vacations while focusing on our careers." Sirji hai koi husband jo biwi ko vacation ke liye mana kar sakta hai? Hai koi mard?
Domestic violence part 2 when she admits my lord, "he has learnt to tolerate the unbathed me". I have not learnt anything. I am being oppressed. Even neighbours have filed police complaint due to the smell in the house on Sundays.
As you can see, my side of the story has not been presented properly in her outpouring of lies. I wish to set the record straight.
But yeah, she's the password to my happiness.
She has written a beautiful piece which you can read here. Let me offer my critique of this masterpiece.
In saying "I am still a cleanliness freak", she meant she's a psycho. Another example of her psychopanthi is when she says, and I quote, "he wants the fan on while I want it switched off". I mean who wants fan off when inside room temperature is 33 degrees? When she says "He craves for desserts when I am craving for spicy chaat", this is bullshit. She's the one who orders Gubaab Janum from Box8 and Punjabi Rasoi (yes, she calls gulab jamun as gubab janum). She's the one who buys chocolates from Fresh n More. I have no cravings in life.
Jhoot ye aurat itna bolti hai. She says "He thoroughly enjoys the most extreme of action but I love comedy and romance." John Abraham ki movies kya main dekhne jata hoon? Nahi. Madam jati hai. Aur bataun jhoot iska. She writes, "When I am in full blown makeup and high heels, he wants to go out in Chappals". She knows I will go in chappal, yet she will become a billo rani. I still look cool, she definitely looks fake Kareena Kapoor. Jhoot yahan khatam nahi hua bhaiyon aur unki behno. Madam ne likkha - "I want to be least bothered of my career for the year when he is dedicatedly married to his at the same time." Madam ji has been getting all awards and recognitions in office from clients in the past 6 months. Laddoo hai kya that you get it when you are least bothered about your career. Itna jhoot, itna jhoot, main tang aa gaya hu ye sab sun sun ke.
My biggest grouse is, she doesn't even give me the credit which is due. She only mentions "Yet, he tidies the home every morning.". Kinnu ka juice maid nikalti hai kya? Kinnu ka juice main nikalta hu. Yesterday only she said oye hoye hoye after having kinnu juice that I juiced. As you can see, I never get credit.
The domestic violence I have to go through, I wish no one should go through. She naively says, "While the fan is on, I find a chance to snuggle up to him." Bhaisaab, itne thande thande haath hote hain iske jo ye mujhe chipka deti hai. This is barbaric. Chai ko ice cream bana sakti hai ye apne haathon mein le ke.
Referring to earlier allegation where she says I have a sweet tooth, she repeats the lie "We enjoy dessert and spicy chaat on the same day." My humble submission is, she eats both the dessert and chaat herself. I get nothing to enjoy. I am told to enjoy paying the bill. Have you met anyone who enjoyed paying the bill? Sabko dhokha de rahi hai apni kahani mein.
"Both of us love animated movies." This is the biggest lie ever invented. I love Iron Man movies, how are they animated movies? Haan I do love Minions, but they are real.
"We find time for vacations while focusing on our careers." Sirji hai koi husband jo biwi ko vacation ke liye mana kar sakta hai? Hai koi mard?
Domestic violence part 2 when she admits my lord, "he has learnt to tolerate the unbathed me". I have not learnt anything. I am being oppressed. Even neighbours have filed police complaint due to the smell in the house on Sundays.
As you can see, my side of the story has not been presented properly in her outpouring of lies. I wish to set the record straight.
But yeah, she's the password to my happiness.
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