Lets play 'Pretend'

7 long years or as we like to call it now...700 crore saal ho gye 😆.

I am thinking, what did we do all these years! 

7 AM: House help rings the bell - pretend to sleep. Stay still, do not move. I did not hear anything. I am in a deep sleep. Wait for a moment. He is also waiting for the moment to pass, hoping that I will move. Finally, he got up and I get another hour of sleep.

10 AM: Picked clothes for him - pretend they are flattering his personality. I insisted on buying the one that he was not sure about. Now that we have bought it, I am not so sure either. Still, can't waste all the money like that. After all, he doesn't have to look handsome all the time.

1 PM: Its time for lunch - pretend to be busy. There is a lot of work and none of it can wait. Do not look anywhere but stare right into that laptop screen. He is also doing the same. Somebody has to heat the food and serve it on table. He gives up. When not in mood to use hands, just do a little overacting and voila! his hands will do the feeding too.

5 PM: Cooked snacks - pretend to ask how is it. Everyone wants to be appreciated. Even when the cooking has managed to just escape being designated a disaster. Keep asking how it turned out till I hear a 'yum'.

8 PM: Watching TV - pretend to love it. All the boring stuff that he loves watching, does not bother me much. I can do all of my random thought processing during that time. He is happy I am sitting beside him with my eyes on TV.

9 PM: Bored of home cooked food - pretend to sense his urge to eat something special. Keep naming some of my favorite dishes. Just when he says 'hmm', immediately click 'order' for the already selected dish from the pre-selected place on the food delivery app. 

10 PM: Losing a fight that I picked - pretend he hit too hard. His foot touched mine. This clicked an idea in my mind to pick a silly fight. Just when I sense my upcoming defeat, act like his last touch on my shoulder was a heavy punch. And there it is, an inevitable loss turned into a win. 

For all of you thinking I am the manipulative one, don't forget he is playing too😏. 

Hoping to have 700 crore more years of love, laughter and this miserable life together. 

Pandemic Miscellaneous

It is my parents' 39th wedding anniversary today. Wow! Such a long time to be with someone not related by blood. They have spent much longer time being with each other than not knowing each other. Both of them are retired from work now.

                                                        

This got me thinking about my retirement plan. Anuj and I had been thinking about it sometime back. We would keep no help then. We will cook and clean on our own. This will make us spend time together and also "spend" the time.
Well this Pandemic has kind of already showed us a trailer of our retired lives. No help was coming over. So we were managing the work FROM home and work OF home all by our self. The idea of being together 24x7 sounds just like work retirement era. But does it?
Initially we struggled. Waking up on time when we know we do not have to go to office, was a challenge. It still is. We realized cooking sounds simple, but eats up a lot of time. While Anuj turned out to be a great cook, I proved to be disastrous with cooking. And my sister never stopped showing off her culinary skills. 🙄
When I was sticking to weekly ritual of sweeping and moping the floor. It made me wonder if we could make do with 1 room. We are probably underpaying our help.
To avoid distractions, we were locked up in different rooms while working. I could still hear Anuj loud and clear in the other room, since on calls, he talks at the top of his voice. Initially it was annoying but now I have learnt to ignore.
Slowly, we are getting to terms with this new lifestyle. Surprisingly, even though we are together all the time, and dealing with office and tedious household work, we had absolutely no fight. Well there was one instance of exchanging blows and kicks, but it was resolved rather quickly. That's a milestone. There were some fights though. The Air Conditioner was installed but not connected to power. Dealing with mosquitoes during power cut and this heat. Refrigerator broke down.
There were certain new experiences too. My ma bragged about giving papa a haircut. That's when Anuj became insistent but I was reluctant. The results were surprising. Good surprising. We have a new found interest. Midnight ludo. Yes, we actually got up at 1 in the night to play ludo for almost an hour.
We have a new found love these days. Home-made lemon iced tea. Jaggery does taste good in it.
There were certain changes too. Both of us put on weight. While I managed to lose it quickly, Anuj is still struggling with his cravings. Driving for about 6-7 km was also a pleasure after more than a month. Gardening for me was meditative. The hobby that I have picked up from papa. I managed to plant quite a few kitchen needs. Lets see if they survive. The living room got a make-over twice. Don't know how long will this one last.
I think retired life wouldn't be much different. And if we can survive this pandemic, I hope we could meet the milestone of 39 years and counting.

                                            

Two is company Three is a crowd

According to Anuj - 6th Annual Progress Report.

P.S. - Its controversial! I thought "Aaj kuch toofani karte hai".😉

After a couple of years of our marriage the idea of being just a couple was not very much acceptable. Our families and friends started asking the usual question. When are we becoming a family? Anuj and I had discussed this sometime after our marriage and were of the same view. So they were shocked when we gave them the NOT so "Good News".

As much as everyone tried to make us look at all the things we will be missing in our life, we, shamelessly and unapologetically kept looking at the positives. At least in our mind (obviously), still there are more positives than negatives. We do not have to share our time and attention with anyone. We do not have to wait for someone to go to sleep to watch all the 18+ series and movies. We do not have to leave bed if we dont want to. We do not have to save an extra huge chunk of money. We do not have to be extra-responsible. We do not have to give a different consideration before planning a vacation. And the best part, we do not have to be the grown-up.

Socially conformed term for a family of two is "Couple". But we are a family. Maybe not by the dictionary definition because it still says - Family is a group consisting of one or two parents and their children. Well, does that mean that having both the parents is optional but having children is an absolute necessity to be called a family? I disagree.

People with socially conformed size and constituents of family would tell us that we are missing the most beautiful part of our life. In our mind, however, we are living it already. We are each other's family. We can't wait to get back home to see each other. We are elated and refreshed to see each other smile after a long and hard day. We are responsible for each other. We have a purpose in life- To live and love each other. We do not feel anything amiss in our lives. We are fulfilled, content, complete and happy. We stick together without anyone else binding us together.

Our only hope is time. With time people have opened up to the idea of nuclear family, love marriage, dating, live-in, happily unmarried and also same sex partner. Hoping, being childless (Oops! I mean) childfree by choice, will be fine too.

I guess someone must have had us in mind when he said "Two is company, Three is a crowd".
Dink, dink 😉😉.

Our favourite

Anuj's b'day was approaching and I was thinking of a gift for him. Since he is neck deep in his work these days, I thought why not a vacation for him and me.
We have been to this place called The Machan in Lonavala as a part of our honeymoon in July 2014. It is situated in a very remote and secluded location which makes it inaccessible to mobile networks, internet connectivity and an unstable landline connection. No TV is provided either in the resort.
This makes for the best detechnox (detox from technology, as I like to call it). Also, of course no interruptions or interference.
It feels like 1990's again. Playing board games, talking to each other, going for a lazy stroll in the non-stop rain, listening to the chirping birds around, or just staring at the clouds go by in the beautiful green valley (or even enter the room).
This reminds me of the beautiful nature. Last year when we visited Shillong and Cherrapunjee, on our first day at the resort, we were woken up by a loud continuous beep. It was like a fire alarm. Initially we ignored but then we thought if it was really some kind of alarm. Sometime later, it stopped. We came to know from the staff of the resort that it is a bug which makes this loud beep when sunlight falls on it. We later heard the same sound at many places around.
Similarly, here in Machan the first day we heard somebody whistling. But when the whistling was heard almost throughout the day, sometimes loud, sometimes faint and almost in the same tone, we realised it was a bird. Its Malabar whistling thrush. The bird woke me up the next two days at around 5 in the morning. I tried so hard to spot it but couldn't. Anyway, the nature is truly beautiful.
We were excited to get the same room (Forest-3) again this time after 5 years. Not many things had changed at the resort. Which was the best part. Not to sound like I am advertising this place, but this truly is our favourite place to be. We did not take many pictures (Detechnox! Remember!), but posting some of them here.

Us at Bangalore airport. We were enjoying our tea, coffee and doughnut after breakfast when we got the last boarding call from airlines. I guess I am turning into Anuj😟 (for those who know how he likes to rush up things at the last moment)

Soon after we left from Pune airport, we were greeted with a heavy rain

The beautiful highway from Pune to Lonavala especially at this time of the year

Got the same room as last time

I am just a little excited

The things that kept us busy

We had spent a lot of time at this place on our last visit. Not much this time though.

Not just this, we played ludo, snakes & ladders and cards too. I lost at most (not all)

He is being forced by me to look into the camera

Carrying scrabble to room

Back to the room

The bridge that leads to our room

Just posing

The view from the room

Anuj trying to reach his parents on his b'day

Posing again

The resort also planned a little for the b'day

Complements from the resort

One more

View while having breakfast

I liked him sitting there

I wanted to copy his pose, especially when he had wiped the bench dry already

Hmm

The dining place

The bridge to our room from a little far off

Dont want this vacation to end.

Happy Us

After a long silence

I last wrote about us in 2014, the year we got married. I somehow couldn't chronicle my annual emotions as we approached March. Aditi has been disciplined in posting an annual report card on our relationship. This year I break my silence.
She has written a beautiful piece which you can read here. Let me offer my critique of this masterpiece.

In saying "I am still a cleanliness freak", she meant she's a psycho. Another example of her psychopanthi is when she says, and I quote, "he wants the fan on while I want it switched off". I mean who wants fan off when inside room temperature is 33 degrees? When she says "He craves for desserts when I am craving for spicy chaat", this is bullshit. She's the one who orders Gubaab Janum from Box8 and Punjabi Rasoi (yes, she calls gulab jamun as gubab janum). She's the one who buys chocolates from Fresh n More. I have no cravings in life.

Jhoot ye aurat itna bolti hai. She says "He thoroughly enjoys the most extreme of action but I love comedy and romance." John Abraham ki movies kya main dekhne jata hoon? Nahi. Madam jati hai. Aur bataun jhoot iska. She writes, "When I am in full blown makeup and high heels, he wants to go out in Chappals". She knows I will go in chappal, yet she will become a billo rani. I still look cool, she definitely looks fake Kareena Kapoor. Jhoot yahan khatam nahi hua bhaiyon aur unki behno. Madam ne likkha - "I want to be least bothered of my career for the year when he is dedicatedly married to his at the same time." Madam ji has been getting all awards and recognitions in office from clients in the past 6 months. Laddoo hai kya that you get it when you are least bothered about your career. Itna jhoot, itna jhoot, main tang aa gaya hu ye sab sun sun ke.

My biggest grouse is, she doesn't even give me the credit which is due. She only mentions "Yet, he tidies the home every morning.". Kinnu ka juice maid nikalti hai kya? Kinnu ka juice main nikalta hu. Yesterday only she said oye hoye hoye after having kinnu juice that I juiced. As you can see, I never get credit.

The domestic violence I have to go through, I wish no one should go through. She naively says, "While the fan is on, I find a chance to snuggle up to him." Bhaisaab, itne thande thande haath hote hain iske jo ye mujhe chipka deti hai. This is barbaric. Chai ko ice cream bana sakti hai ye apne haathon mein le ke.

Referring to earlier allegation where she says I have a sweet tooth, she repeats the lie "We enjoy dessert and spicy chaat on the same day." My humble submission is, she eats both the dessert and chaat herself. I get nothing to enjoy. I am told to enjoy paying the bill. Have you met anyone who enjoyed paying the bill? Sabko dhokha de rahi hai apni kahani mein.

"Both of us love animated movies." This is the biggest lie ever invented. I love Iron Man movies, how are they animated movies? Haan I do love Minions, but they are real.

"We find time for vacations while focusing on our careers." Sirji hai koi husband jo biwi ko vacation ke liye mana kar sakta hai? Hai koi mard?

Domestic violence part 2 when she admits my lord, "he has learnt to tolerate the unbathed me". I have not learnt anything. I am being oppressed. Even neighbours have filed police complaint due to the smell in the house on Sundays.

As you can see, my side of the story has not been presented properly in her outpouring of lies. I wish to set the record straight.

But yeah, she's the password to my happiness.

Differently Similar

They say couples tend to look alike over a long period of time (p.s. my aunt-Kokila maami always thought that we look like siblings 🙄). Anyway if thats true, do their interests also start to match? Well, certainly not within half a decade!

We have been together for 5 years now, yet, I am still a cleanliness freak while he is obsessed with creating shortcuts...i.e. keeping everything at an arm's length. Most often, he wants the fan on while I want it switched off. He craves for desserts when I am craving for spicy chaat. He thoroughly enjoys the most extreme of action but I love comedy and romance. When I am in full blown makeup and high heels, he wants to go out in Chappals. I want to be least bothered of my career for the year when he is dedicatedly married to his at the same time. He rushes to bathe when I have skipped for the past 2 days😜.

Yet, he tidies the home every morning. While the fan is on, I find a chance to snuggle up to him. We enjoy dessert and spicy chaat on the same day. Both of us love animated movies. I wear chappals for him and he dresses up for me. We find time for vacations while focusing on our careers. We religiously kiss each other bye before work. And most importantly, he has learnt to tolerate the unbathed me😘.

Well, you get the point right! Thats what we call being Differently Similar.

Its been a long time

Its been a lifetime of tolerance with this middle aged annoying man. Umm no..its only been 4 years, not even half a decade! It feels like more than a lifetime though.

We havent loved each other all the while. There are times when we want to set each other on fire. But then soon after we realise that its illegal. And also, that we would have to do all the work by ourself then. So the plan is dropped.

There is a sense of comfort in this relationship. We can be as crazy and weird as we would be by ourself, when nobody is around and judging us. Yeah that means doing just about anything. Making faces, singing or shall I say screaming, dancing absurdly, not bothering to lock the bathroom door, burping and most importantly farting. Come on thats natural! And its a competition sometimes. Lol.

With time we have learnt to read each others' mood. Or maybe ignoring it at times. He knows when he should be patient with me and I know when I have to let him be. Although, I throw a tantrum at those times, but thats when he knows he has to be patient. You get the picture, right!

With all this we have our love birds time too. Cuddling, watching a movie, going for walks, vacationing, playing board games, partying, getting high and a lot more.

Its just perfect. We are awesome being together. I am not bragging. We are. Really. If you dont agree...u just dont know us.

Since its already been a lifetime, I just cant wait to spend another lifetime with this annoying old man. Well, while I was writing this, he just turned old.